Our life as a choice

Today I realized that how how I see the world, how I see my place in it, how I see my husband's passing, is a choice. I must choose everyday how I see. For example, today I was watching videos of Mitch and our family with my daughter, and I found myself getting angry, like, how could my life have turned out like this? How could my husband's story be over already? It seems our life as a family with another baby on the way was just barely beginning... And after being with someone for nearly ten years, you just don't expect them to suddenly pass away. So, as I'm watching the videos, I realize I'm clenching my jaw, fighting back tears, and kind of going, what the fuck? How is it that I am not going to be able to see him again as I have known him all these years... Ava says she wants to see daddy, I say I do too. But, I realized that getting angry, bitter, resentful, while it may be a part of the grieving process, also feels somewhat like a step backward. I realize that I must consciously choose how I see now. I look at the picture I framed of him yesterday, and he looks like an angel, with the lighting, the love and peace in his eyes... And because he's looking right into the lens, it feels like he is looking back at me when I look at the picture. This picture reminds me of how I can see him now, as an angel, as a spirit guide that I can connect with, that I can draw strength and peace from. I must keep looking forward with love and acceptance in my heart. This is the choice that I make. We all choose each moment whether we are aware of our choice or not, how do you choose to see?