Just a few days ago, I was saying to a few friends, I am done with my grief, it’s been three years, I have made peace with our destiny… I even thought, maybe I don’t even need to finish my book about my journey through grieving and healing, and instead I will just keep on moving forward…
And then yesterday I was doing a writing exercise that posed the question, how do you want to change the world? And in that question, so much, so much arose. So much of who I am in this moment, so much of the beauty of what I am in this moment, was born out of the heartbreak that came from the death of my husband. That death awakened me, it leveled me down to the very earth, it made me grateful for life, it clarified everything that was of importance, and it made me believe in the spiritual continuance of life after death. I learned how to communicate with my husband’s spirit.
And last night, as I was telling my oldest daughter stories about her dad, I realized just how much she is like him! Sharing the stories brought us both joy. But the bittersweet kind.
And then tonight in savasana pose, corpse pose, the final pose in my yoga class; tears. The kind of tears that could go on for a long time, but also the kind of tears that feel cleansing.
And so, done with grief? It is a part of me, it has delivered me to this very moment, it has brought so much beauty and gratitude into my life. It hurt like hell, and even now, when it comes in its small waves, for moments I am completely overcome and soaked, and for moments, it still hurts like hell. But then it passes, and most moments are joyous three years later. But, done with grief, I don’t think it will ever be gone forever, how could it be? Perhaps the pain is a testament to our love. When we love and we lose, it hurts! But we heal, because we are resilient and we’ve got a life to live while we are here on this earth. Let’s make the most of this life.
How do you want to change the world? It’s certainly is interesting to let yourself flow with this question, you may discover some new paths for yourself.