Why I am here

Control, out of my hands, in your hands, in his hands, in her hands, in the metaphorical hands of the Divine creator, that bringith and takith at willith, and I hold my hands up in the air, I surrender to the knowing that control is out of my hands. But it seems I agreed to all of this at a time before I can remember, but since I can't remember, I have to simply trust that all of this is for my greater good, for my evolution, for my journey, and trust that we will meet again, and trust you come to me every time I call. A love so real it leaves me gasping for air sometimes when another layer of grief is exposed, when I realize again and again, in all shapes and forms that I will not hold you again in this life, there are no more embraces, no more shoulders to cry on, no more adventures together. You had us going full speed, a speed that was not sustainable indeed, but here I am somehow sustaining, learning how to believe in things I can't see. I throw my hands up, defeated, but yet somehow better, somehow closer to remembering why I'm here, a foggy dream we have to feel our way out of, experiences, people, all planned for our growth... All of this growing has given me growing pains. And so I stretch my way through them, I dance my way around them, I sing my song to them, and I remember why I am here, and put my hands up in the air and I love. I love with all my might this human experience, my children, myself, this life, with all its joys and sorrows.