Everything is okay in the face of a newborn

my two little angels

Amelie is four days old now, and each day I find that I fall more and more in love with her, and all of my fears about welcoming her into the world have vanished. I feel Mitch's physical absence so strong right now, piercing through my heart really, as I look into Amelie and Ava's sweet faces, I wonder what he would be saying, how he would be gazing at their beautiful little faces, and I play his music, I want to keep his presence as felt as I can for my own sake, and for the girls- I never want them to feel very far away from their daddy. I wonder if they can see or feel him more easily than I can, I can only hope. As I watch Amelie smile in her sleep, and listen to Ava and my mom's happy chatter from the other room as they color together, I can't help but cry as I think about what's missing. Although I know I must try as hard as I can to see all of the signs he is here with us, gazing lovingly at Amelie, giving Ava peace in her heart, filling our house with music from his i-phone, sending me messages in my dreams, and sending visions of all of us together to loving others who are more open to seeing, who thankfully share with me what they see... And then the sun outside shines a little brighter, a strong wind blows in through the open window, and I am reminded to be strong, have faith, and feel peace in my heart. I hold my memories close, and have the thought that Mitch's love is a part of my own heart beat now. I know intrinsically I needn't look far to find him. And then with that thought, my sweet newborn looks lovingly and intently into my eyes and I feel that somehow everything is okay as it is in this moment.