How one minute of soul gazing can break you wide open (in a good way)...

Yoga class tonight began with the dreaded, “choose a partner, someone you don't know and silently stare into each others eyes for one minute.” And so, my partner's name was Jack, and why was it so hard for me to look into his eyes and have him look into mine for one minute, which certainly seemed much, much longer...? When you're looking into someone's eyes like that, wow, there is no where to hide, there is nowhere to go, there is nothing to say. It's just you and him, and him and you. And the thing is, being seen, really seen, with someone looking deeply into your eyes, whatever feelings you have that you haven't been quite aware of, well, suddenly they all come to the surface. Whenever I do this exercise, it always feels like my partner sees right into my soul, and so whatever is present, needs expression, is just right there, all raw and vulnerable and totally naked. So tonight, I realized this was the first man's eyes that I've gazed into since Mitch died... wow. And seeing as the exercise is so uncomfortable for me to do, (I began settling into it just as the minute was finishing), I see that I have more work to do around loving myself. Because that's what came up, a bit of self-consciousness (like, deer in headlights self-consciousness), and a bit of how good it feels to truly be seen (which scares the shit out of me)... And so, that's just what I came back to throughout the class, a silent “I love you” to myself, and a lot of opening with my breath, when my body wanted to close. And when I laid in savasana, tears. Tears for how much I am craving being seen, with love, and how it starts with me. Love for myself. A lot of loving hugs and empathy for all I've been through, and a whole lot of gratitude for where I am now. Love thyself. It starts right here with ourselves. So try it, with a friend, or a partner, for one minute...