There's a guilt that comes as a heavy layer of grief lifts, as another layer of letting go is exposed, as I start to feel better...I really loved him you know, ten years of my life, I'm just trying to heal... Yes, a certain guilt when you let go of another layer of grief, especially when someone else is still cloaked in a heavy sadness for him, when they're still crying, and I'm not crying as much... Part of me wants to justify my feelings, I still love him too, I've been sad too... As if my love is measured in how long I grieve. Everyone goes through their own process of grieving when someone close to them dies, and goes through their own healing process too. Ahh, the pain of being heartbroken after someone dies, and then the guilt of starting to feel better... This part can't last, I know he knows I love him. I decide to give myself and everyone around me permission to go through their own process in their own time. I send my beloved love and embrace each moment of joy I feel. I let go of that nagging guilt, it's okay to heal, it's okay to feel better, it doesn't mean I don't love him still.