Just say something

It's strange because as time goes on in the grieving process, I start to feel like I “shouldn't” talk about it, like, enough time has gone by, and I "should" be moving on, I don't want to burden others with my sadness, nobody wants to hold space for that kind of pain... That voice inside that we all have sometimes that keeps us separate from one another... So, I write. But it ends up making me feel sort of alienated from people when I don't talk about it, because even though the pain has lessened, it is still a process that is very much a part of my everyday reality. I feel my husband's physical absence everyday. It's been nine months. It is getting easier, I cry less now, I express my emotions as they arise and let them move through me, but why do I feel like I have to apologize for my sadness when it arises? I think it is difficult for people to hold space for the kind of sadness I have experienced. Right after my husband passed away, even good friends weren't quite sure how to approach me, worried about what to say and what not to say... I will tell you what I told them, there is no “right” thing to say to someone who is grieving the loss of their husband, just stop worrying about what the “right” thing to say is and just say something, anything. If someone asks about what happened, or asks about my husband, or asks how I'm doing, I welcome sharing, I need to share, and if I cry, don't worry, it means I needed to cry, but I don't always cry now. So, if you know someone who has experienced a loss, don't worry about saying the right thing or the wrong thing, and just say something, from the heart is always a good option, it's not like it's not on their mind anyway, trust me.