Sex for the first time after my husband passed away

 So, down to the getting real bit. There has been a huge shift for me in the course of the last couple of weeks in my grieving process...A few weeks ago, I listened to a series of seminar lectures from a variety of mediums, and after listening to hours of interviews with these different people and being guided through a variety of simple meditations designed to help others connect to deceased loved ones, it became very clear to me just how close the spirit world is to this physical world we are in now... And that in fact, we are really just a veil away... I was able to experience my husband, Mitch, quickly and it opened me to receiving signs of his presence in all kinds of ways.

So, as another layer of my grief lifted and I began to feel lighter and happier, a funny thing happened... Me, a widow at eight months pregnant began receiving loving and sexual attention and solicitation from several men! It all began with a man whom I will refer to as a “community helper,” to keep his identity private. So, I was sick with the flu and crying my eyes out because my fears of not being supported were being triggered, so I called this man with whom I had had limited interaction with for some feel better support. I arrived at his house after his invitation, where his deep concern for my pain was endearing and the foot and hand massage he gave me led to my eventual response of sure, why not? There was a moment during the hand massage that he was giving me where I could feel where our encounter was headed if I allowed it, and knew at that moment I could decide to politely leave, or stay and have sex... Now, previously the idea of having sex with someone with whom I had no feelings for was completely foreign to me, and I must admit I was a bit judgmental about others doing it. I just assumed that, as a woman, if you had sex with someone, you would automatically develop feelings. Anyway, in that moment, I made the conscious decision to say yes to his sexual advances, simply for the experience of sex without feelings. So, how was it? Physically it felt great, but there were no fireworks when we kissed, like when two people who are in love or at least in strong like experience. I thanked him for the feel good medicine after our encounter and we parted ways. Did I develop feelings for him simply because we had sex? No I didn't, did I feel slightly freaked out at my atypical behavior? Yes, but I also felt proud of myself for living in the moment and becoming more open-minded in the process. Would I have sex again with someone without feelings? My first inclination is to say no but as we all know, life can take some surprising turns...So, I'll just say that I'll cross that bridge when I get to it... But, one thing is for certain, nothing compares to sex with love, and I'll end on that note. My story to be continued...Please pass this story on to anyone who you think might benefit...